Shredder Corp knows the true value of its employees!

At Shredder Corp, we try to show that we value employees and are committed to providing some compensation and maybe even benefits (but probably not benefits). We try to understand that our employees are human people (though it's easy to forgot at times), and we strive to offer a minimally acceptable employment package. Learn more about what we offer below.

Compensation:

• Salaries: We offer you a little money for signing your soul over to us. Not sure why you would expect more in return.

• Kickbacks: We recognize that we don't need to do a single other thing than compensate you via a salary or low hourly wage, but the Board of Directors at Shredder Corp is pleased to offer kickbacks to their favorite employees. Are kickbacks legal? Technically no, but with our legal team that shouldn't be a problem. Eligible employees may receive performance-based kickbacks or more often than not, just kickbacks for being a likable person. See you at happy hour, karaoke king!

Benefits:

• Healthcare Coverage: Too expensive. Thanks a lot Obama! Check your state's requirements to see if there is an Individual Mandate in place. If so, buy an overpriced policy through the marketplace or be fined. No individual mandate in your state? Save some money and roll the dice!

• Retirement Savings: Employees have access to a retirement savings plan (401(k) or similar). Invest your own money in your future, only to have our affiliated retirement account partners lose your money at a slow and steady rate. No company matching offered.

• Paid Time Off: All employees of Shredder Corp are hired as contractors and are not eligible for PTO.

• Flexible Work Arrangements: We support flexible work arrangements to accommodate diverse lifestyles. Is walking up the stairs to the third floor too much on your bum knee? We'll move you to the first level of the basement. No need to thank us.

• Professional Development: We encourage continuous learning and growth through various professional development opportunities, including training programs, workshops, and unscheduled rants from high level executives.